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[Taylor's voice is steady too - too steady. She's pushing all her emotion off into her swarm again, a habit she'd been working to break.]

I won't be fine. I've made plans. If you're the one who sees me go down, please contact Rags and Dad- Kiryu for me.

I will. ...Is there anything you need before they get to you?

[There's a little pause. Taylor isn't sure if she's glad Ulla's asking or angry at herself that she's surprised.]

Can your magic put someone to sleep?

My power would be gone too.

I could try to store the magic in an object, in case it works when my magic doesn't. That would be a more complicated spell. [But Ulla likes challenges.]

... Right.

[It's the second time she's made that mistake, and Taylor knows it means she's too focused on her own fears. She exhales, shakes her head.]

It would be interesting to see if that would work.

I'll ask Warren if he thinks we should ask the Admiral, or if that might point out a loophole to close.

Valid worry. I don't think we'd get a straight answer either way.

Warren might have ideas, too. I don't need to tell him who it's for if you'd rather I didn't. I very much doubt he'll insist. [Even coming on the heels of her big tantrum on deck, he hasn't tried to constrain her use of magic at all.]

Warren's a friend, I don't mind if he knows.

I'll bear that in mind.

[A pause, and then:] ...You said your father is on the ship?

Kiryu Kazuma. My dad now in the ways that matter.

Not the father you were born to, then. [She's curious in spite of herself, letting the quiet wave of bitterness at her own parents pass over her unremarked.]

No. You met him, kind of. Danny Hebert in the breach - he was pretty close to the real thing. Different job and not like. Terrified of supervillains, but otherwise him.

Ah. [Ulla nods.] I never know how closely those other lives resemble our own.

The family you met in the breach, I don't know them at all. I only spoke with my brother a couple of times. And I've never met my birth mother. She was human, and when I was born with a tail, she gave me to my sildroher father to raise. [Baghra wasn't sentimental enough to seek out the daughter she gave up to be raised beneath the waves.]

Was it okay with your father?

It was... fine. He never acted as if he resented me. But he never told me what I was, either. He left me to weather the rumors and my sildroher mother's conflicted affection without knowing the truth.

And he tried to forbid me from going anywhere I'd be in a position to find out.

Rough. Sounds really complicated to untangle, too. After the fact.

Less so than it could have been, since I never expect to see him again.

Not planning to go home?

Wouldn't be welcomed if I did.

I still want my revenge on Roffe and Signy for the things they did, but there's nothing else there for me.

[There's a quiet noise of understanding.]

And revenge is a terrible reason to look back. Find somewhere better. I'll be going home with Rags, when I can.

There isn't anything else I particularly want. [Not yet, anyway. By the time there is, she'll be almost ready to graduate.]

Or perhaps it's that it doesn't feel possible to want anything else until I have that.

That, I get.

Feels like anything else would be - poison, or fragile, if that one thing isn't done first.

Exactly. [Soft and fervent.]

I decided, when I decided I want to be a warden, that I'd just- just pretend I've already done it. I'm not where I can do that yet, but I'm working on it.

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neverwaitslong - 2022-05-18 03:42 (UTC) - Expand