She pulls Taylor's hand toward her, kissing her palm and then her wrist.
"There's no one I'd rather share things with than you. Well, Warren and
Jasper might come close. I like Johann, though, and I thought he
deserved someone to show him the part of the world that just opened up to
him."
She looks up at Taylor's face again as she admits, "I transformed in front
of him, too, but I didn't explain my knife. I'm trying to trust more.
It's still so hard."
“And it went okay?” Taylor only knows anything about Johann from the network, for the most part, and doesn’t have much opinion about him except that he reminds her occasionally of Jacobi when they first met. “He wasn’t weird?”
The way she relaxes at that, Ulla can probably feel, and Taylor bends to kiss her forehead. “Smart guy, then.” It’s no little thing, Ulla placing that sort of trust.
"I didn't know what birthright Johann should have had. But he belongs in
the sea the same way I do, and he doesn't have a place there to welcome
him. So I took him to the place I had, at least for awhile."
Ulla glances over at Scraps and Hjerte. "I don't think I would have done
it if I didn't have Hjerte. But Hjerte gave me back a piece of what I
lost, so with him along too, it was easier."
She nods thoughtfully, leaning back against the side of the porch, and gives the little octopus a grateful look.
“Is it the first time you’ve seen it, yourself?” she asks Hjerte. She remembers having a daemon, knows he’s seen it as part of Ulla, but it’s different. Isn’t it?
She grins, pulling one of Ulla's hands up to her lips. "I'd love to swim with you so much. There, or anywhere else. Maybe we could go back to Blue York sometime."
"I could kiss you there, like I realized I wanted to last time," Ulla muses.
"Because that's where I figured it out. After I left you, Warren and I sat
on some steps leading down into the water and he reminded me that you're
nothing like Signy. That you're brave, and you aren't selfish, and I was
choosing someone better. I already knew you're nothing like her, of course,
but I was scared."
Her smile warms, and she shifts Ulla's head so she can scoot down, lie in the grass beside her and wrap her arms around her waist. "I'd been stupid about you for a while, at that point.
"It was so shallow at first," she admits. "You were just this- this work of art, living among us. I didn't know you."
"I almost always hate when people look at me that way. But you never...
pushed it on me. It didn't feel like pressure I needed to squirm out from
under."
She kisses Taylor's cheek. "Warren says some people don't want that
way until someone already matters. Until they care, or trust. I'm like
that. I've never wanted anyone except you or Signy. And I didn't even
recognize my feelings for Signy as what they were until after the
fact. Until the breach where you and I were together, which is why I took
it so badly in the aftermath. Because the way I felt about you in another
life made me realize what I'd felt for her in this one. It dug the old
hurts in deeper. Thank you for being worth trusting, a thousand times
over."
Taylor glances away, well aware of how pink her cheeks are, and then tilts her forehead against Ulla's. "Promise to tell me if I'm ever not? So I can fix it?"
"I will," Ulla agrees, then kisses her, soft and slow. "But there's
nothing to fix so far. You'll promise me the same? Tell me if there's ever anything wrong, or anything you want?"
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She pulls Taylor's hand toward her, kissing her palm and then her wrist. "There's no one I'd rather share things with than you. Well, Warren and Jasper might come close. I like Johann, though, and I thought he deserved someone to show him the part of the world that just opened up to him."
She looks up at Taylor's face again as she admits, "I transformed in front of him, too, but I didn't explain my knife. I'm trying to trust more. It's still so hard."
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“And it went okay?” Taylor only knows anything about Johann from the network, for the most part, and doesn’t have much opinion about him except that he reminds her occasionally of Jacobi when they first met. “He wasn’t weird?”
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Ulla hums an affirmative. "He was very respectful. Treated that as something important, separate from the fun of exploring the sea.
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“Why’d you choose the city?”
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"I didn't know what birthright Johann should have had. But he belongs in the sea the same way I do, and he doesn't have a place there to welcome him. So I took him to the place I had, at least for awhile."
Ulla glances over at Scraps and Hjerte. "I don't think I would have done it if I didn't have Hjerte. But Hjerte gave me back a piece of what I lost, so with him along too, it was easier."
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“Is it the first time you’ve seen it, yourself?” she asks Hjerte. She remembers having a daemon, knows he’s seen it as part of Ulla, but it’s different. Isn’t it?
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"Except in memories," Hjerte confirms. "I'd never physically been there."
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“That was a really nice thing to do for Johann. Sharing that with him.” She has to wonder if he knows how much it means.
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"It was good for me too," Ulla tells Taylor. "I think I needed it without realizing."
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"I could kiss you there, like I realized I wanted to last time," Ulla muses.
"Because that's where I figured it out. After I left you, Warren and I sat on some steps leading down into the water and he reminded me that you're nothing like Signy. That you're brave, and you aren't selfish, and I was choosing someone better. I already knew you're nothing like her, of course, but I was scared."
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"It was so shallow at first," she admits. "You were just this- this work of art, living among us. I didn't know you."
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"I almost always hate when people look at me that way. But you never... pushed it on me. It didn't feel like pressure I needed to squirm out from under."
She kisses Taylor's cheek. "Warren says some people don't want that way until someone already matters. Until they care, or trust. I'm like that. I've never wanted anyone except you or Signy. And I didn't even recognize my feelings for Signy as what they were until after the fact. Until the breach where you and I were together, which is why I took it so badly in the aftermath. Because the way I felt about you in another life made me realize what I'd felt for her in this one. It dug the old hurts in deeper. Thank you for being worth trusting, a thousand times over."
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"I will," Ulla agrees, then kisses her, soft and slow. "But there's nothing to fix so far. You'll promise me the same? Tell me if there's ever anything wrong, or anything you want?"
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