[ Without saying anything, Hilbert walks over towards Taylor, instinctively going to help her carry any of the remaining tea things—she's just got one hand, after all. Granted, Hilbert doesn't know much about tea, so anything he picks up to help move is a very obvious tea accessory.
Conversation can happen once everything is settled. ]
You could barely string together a sentence after you were demoted, [ Hilbert points out. His tone is blunt and matter of fact instead of cold or accusatory. ]
Talking about this then would get us nowhere. Besides, I...do not like talking about things like this to begin with.
[She pauses for a moment, looking down at her plate. Shuts her eyes for a moment. It’s what she should have expected. She’d have been so mad at Rags, if he’d gone and bend so stupid.]
[ Much to Hilbert's annoyance, the anger doesn't immediately go away after he expresses it. He takes a moment to serve himself some of the food before he asks, ]
[She fiddles with her food a moment, and sits back with her mug of tea instead.]
Went home, for two years. Back to where I died. Killed Coil. Turned myself in. … killed two heroes, in process. Jail, let out weekends to hunt Slaughterhouse Nine, fight Endbringers. Killed Behemoth. New Endbringers began coming. Two years. Two years…
Found the Nine. Caught them, thought we won, but… Jack spoke to Scion. Just spoke to him. And Scion destroyed the world.
[ There's a part of Hilbert that just looks deeply irritated for a moment before he pushes it back behind a more composed neutral. He doesn't know who the hell Endbringers or Behemoth or Slaughterhouse Nine are, Taylor! Yes, he's smart and can use context clues to put these things together, but there's a part of Hilbert that is intensely irritated that he has to use those context clues in the first place instead of Taylor actually saying "Jack spoke to Scion who, by the way, is an X, Y, Z." ]
Keep going. Obviously there is more to the story.
[ After all, 'some big evil thing destroyed the world' doesn't explain why, when she first arrived, Taylor's first response was 'let's possess half the Barge.' ]
[Summaries first, Doctor! You know what a précis is. But Taylor nods, and continues, looking into her tea.]
Already had door to Earth Gimel, second reality we knew. Had been preparing for- escape. [A faint grimace, she knows there's a better word but can't summon it.]
But Scion followed. And to other realities. Anywhere people gathered. World after world after world. Four days. Millions of millions dead.
Learned what he was. Thought he was the first parahuman. But never human at all... source of powers, Scion and another. They were aliens. Planted powers on Earths to test, devour, keep strongest. But only in pairs. Partner died... Cauldron, hive of scientists had corpse. Used to sell powers to rich. My power... came from dead partner. Strong part of her. 'Administrator.' Power to... Coordinate. Organize. Bugs limit came from me, not power. Protect myself.
We were failing. All major numbers gone, Scion hunting stragglers. Tried all force at once, empty place, failed. Died there. [That's almost added as an aside, intentionally casual as she lifts the hem of her shirt briefly, to show the strange not-scar that runs all the way around her waist, where new body meets old.] Healer, Panacea, put me back together. Tried trap him with dead partner, failed. [A gesture at her lost arm, memento of that fight.]
Scion kept body out of realities. Out of reach. Just enough in reality to use as weapon against us. Attack it, regrew from what was out of reach. Not infinite, but... larger than worlds. Had to attack all. Had to figure out how. Organize. Coordinate. Strong groups beginning to hide, not fight. Fighting group dying, leaving, shrink.
[Taylor swallows. This part is hard.]
Asked Bonesaw remove limits in me. She tried before. [She gestures with her tea cup to the scar across the top of her scalp, the one she's shown him before.] Thought could make a leader, give me the power to bring the forces together again. Thought... I thought it would be a second trigger. Make my power more what needed. Had seen that before, in others. Had thought, been told second trigger made powers more part of myself.
Bonesaw didn't do it. Panacea did. Changed my brain, so my power had no limit at all. Everything the 'Administrator' could do.
[ Everything about this sounds like she was set up to fail. You give a child infinite power, the power to control, organize, manipulate the entire world around them, what do you think would happen? Of course that child would falter, would croak.
But then again, someone who is used to controlling thousands of tiny minds isn't just a child. And Hilbert, a man who fervently believes that with enough time and effort he can do the impossible, who's seen other people pull themselves through horrible situations to do the impossible as well, believes that Taylor should have been able to accomplish the same thing. ]
And when presented with that power, you failed. I do not know if you failed in stopping Scion, but in the eyes of the Admiral? You have failed.
Stopped Scion. [That at least lightens her expression, though not without bitterness.] Destroyed to atoms.
But was too- damaged to know I had, at the time. And dead alien in my head only knew to fight. Would have fought forever. Came here for more weapons. Wanted the Admiral, and Jon. Came back warden, but hurt people here.
[ There's a pause before Hilbert makes a reproachful little clucking sound with his tongue, shaking his head as he serves himself some food. ]
You also failed in your assessment of what counts as a weapon. If you and dead alien were more subtle or more committed to long-term planning, you could have easily had a weapon and left here with your mind and powers intact.
Would not have come if capable of subtle or planning. Would have known I didn't need it. Mind was dissolving, we were desperate and panicked. Killed Doormaker to get here.
[ And Hilbert looks back at her, dead on, a hint of an irritated frown on his face as he continues. ]
Once again: that is a poor excuse. That only means you had a limited timeline. When you have that much blood behind you, you owe it to the dead to make sure the sacrifice was worth it. And the sacrifice would mean nothing if you jumped at the first opportunity offered, without even thinking things through.
[ He gives Taylor another stern look before he breaks contact to resume eating. ]
Easy to sit after and say. Not there, never will be there. Thought through. But on bad information. Wanted trade one scalpel for a better one. When got a lit bomb instead, can't do surgery.
That is correct. I was not there. But neither was whoever your inevitable warden will be. Will you give them excuses as well when they tell you the same thing?
[She very much wants to tell him to leave, and isn't letting herself. She invited him here, and she owes him this conversation. But she nudges her fork farther away from herself so she doesn't give into the temptation to pick it up again.]
Did win. Did save what was left. I did that. My poor planning did that. Am here because I did not stop.
Well congratulations. You have saved universe and stopped the destruction of multiple realities. Will throw confetti and have big celebration. But now you are here, powerless, with one hand, unable to say a sentence longer than ten words and with absolutely no control over your current situation.
Look me in the eyes and tell me that is really a win.
[ He stands up from the table, giving Taylor a nod. ]
Annoyingly, I am still mad at you. [ Which what the heck? He's voiced his feelings, why are they still there! This is stupid! Feelings are dumb! ] But we are stuck on small ship with each other. I can push my anger aside for us to work together as needed.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Conversation can happen once everything is settled. ]
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I should talked- should have talked about this before.
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Talking about this then would get us nowhere. Besides, I...do not like talking about things like this to begin with.
[ 'things like this' = 'feelings' ]
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[ And it's clear from Hilbert's tone that 'sensible' is a quality he respects. There's a pause before Hilbert admits, ]
I am well aware this feeling is ridiculous. But part of me is angry at you because you failed.
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Me too. Not ridiculous.
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What happened?
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Went home, for two years. Back to where I died. Killed Coil. Turned myself in. … killed two heroes, in process. Jail, let out weekends to hunt Slaughterhouse Nine, fight Endbringers. Killed Behemoth. New Endbringers began coming. Two years. Two years…
Found the Nine. Caught them, thought we won, but… Jack spoke to Scion. Just spoke to him. And Scion destroyed the world.
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Keep going. Obviously there is more to the story.
[ After all, 'some big evil thing destroyed the world' doesn't explain why, when she first arrived, Taylor's first response was 'let's possess half the Barge.' ]
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Already had door to Earth Gimel, second reality we knew. Had been preparing for- escape. [A faint grimace, she knows there's a better word but can't summon it.]
But Scion followed. And to other realities. Anywhere people gathered. World after world after world. Four days. Millions of millions dead.
Learned what he was. Thought he was the first parahuman. But never human at all... source of powers, Scion and another. They were aliens. Planted powers on Earths to test, devour, keep strongest. But only in pairs. Partner died... Cauldron, hive of scientists had corpse. Used to sell powers to rich. My power... came from dead partner. Strong part of her. 'Administrator.' Power to... Coordinate. Organize. Bugs limit came from me, not power. Protect myself.
We were failing. All major numbers gone, Scion hunting stragglers. Tried all force at once, empty place, failed. Died there. [That's almost added as an aside, intentionally casual as she lifts the hem of her shirt briefly, to show the strange not-scar that runs all the way around her waist, where new body meets old.] Healer, Panacea, put me back together. Tried trap him with dead partner, failed. [A gesture at her lost arm, memento of that fight.]
Scion kept body out of realities. Out of reach. Just enough in reality to use as weapon against us. Attack it, regrew from what was out of reach. Not infinite, but... larger than worlds. Had to attack all. Had to figure out how. Organize. Coordinate. Strong groups beginning to hide, not fight. Fighting group dying, leaving, shrink.
[Taylor swallows. This part is hard.]
Asked Bonesaw remove limits in me. She tried before. [She gestures with her tea cup to the scar across the top of her scalp, the one she's shown him before.] Thought could make a leader, give me the power to bring the forces together again. Thought... I thought it would be a second trigger. Make my power more what needed. Had seen that before, in others. Had thought, been told second trigger made powers more part of myself.
Bonesaw didn't do it. Panacea did. Changed my brain, so my power had no limit at all. Everything the 'Administrator' could do.
Coordinate. Organize. Control.
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But then again, someone who is used to controlling thousands of tiny minds isn't just a child. And Hilbert, a man who fervently believes that with enough time and effort he can do the impossible, who's seen other people pull themselves through horrible situations to do the impossible as well, believes that Taylor should have been able to accomplish the same thing. ]
And when presented with that power, you failed. I do not know if you failed in stopping Scion, but in the eyes of the Admiral? You have failed.
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But was too- damaged to know I had, at the time. And dead alien in my head only knew to fight. Would have fought forever. Came here for more weapons. Wanted the Admiral, and Jon. Came back warden, but hurt people here.
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[ There's a pause before Hilbert makes a reproachful little clucking sound with his tongue, shaking his head as he serves himself some food. ]
You also failed in your assessment of what counts as a weapon. If you and dead alien were more subtle or more committed to long-term planning, you could have easily had a weapon and left here with your mind and powers intact.
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Four days, trillions dead. One more, extinct. Leaders, fighting. Failing.
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Once again: that is a poor excuse. That only means you had a limited timeline. When you have that much blood behind you, you owe it to the dead to make sure the sacrifice was worth it. And the sacrifice would mean nothing if you jumped at the first opportunity offered, without even thinking things through.
[ He gives Taylor another stern look before he breaks contact to resume eating. ]
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Easy to sit after and say. Not there, never will be there. Thought through. But on bad information. Wanted trade one scalpel for a better one. When got a lit bomb instead, can't do surgery.
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Did win. Did save what was left. I did that. My poor planning did that. Am here because I did not stop.
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Look me in the eyes and tell me that is really a win.
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I won.
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And that is why you're an inmate.
[ He stands up from the table, giving Taylor a nod. ]
Annoyingly, I am still mad at you. [ Which what the heck? He's voiced his feelings, why are they still there! This is stupid! Feelings are dumb! ] But we are stuck on small ship with each other. I can push my anger aside for us to work together as needed.
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