skitter | IC Inbox

"We're not!" he protests.

Because he needs to make that clear.

"If you do, promise to leave Smartass outside. He's not old enough to see that."

"Oh shut up," he groans. "And I usually leave Smartass here if I visit him. And that's to spare you. So you're fucking welcome."

"I fucking appreciate it," she says primly, before giggling again.

"Actually, hardly matters. I don't have permissions in his cabin, so I can't feel them once the door's shut. You two get your freak on."

Rags hesitates, biting back his laughter. It's a relief to get all of that off, to let her know what he thought and to get the reassurance in turn.

And he did it all without Kiryu's help.

"Get your freak on?" he mutters. "Does that mean fucking? Why does that mean fucking?"

"Yes, but hell if I know why. People just call sex 'getting freaky' sometimes. Probably because sex, while fun, is absolutely weird all the time."

"Well yeah, isn't that the way it's supposed to be?" he scoffs. "I mean, I'm not an expert on it or anything. But if it was all perfect and shit, it would be boring and then there'd be no point."

"Sometimes it's boring anyway. Which is fine. People do plenty of boring shit together." She wraps an arm around her chest, looking at nothing in the middle distance.

"If you don't want to, don't. But if you're worried it's going to, I don't know, complicate things, I don't think that's usually the truth."

"It wasn't...really complicated in the Clave," he admits softly. "I mean, it was just something we did because we did it. But Adrian and I don't even really...talk about it."

"Neither did Brian and I. I don't think we ever really... talked about us as a couple. Which... yeah, probably not talking about anything made it more complicated, especially while it's ending."

He puts his hand on top of hers lightly. "You don't talk a lot about Brian," he tells her. It's an invitation to talk, but it's also an invitation to change the subject if she doesn't want to.

She wiggles her fingers lightly under his hand, though not to nudge him away.

"Yeah. Brian's- I'm not sure I miss him. So he's hard to talk about."

"Why don't you miss him?"

He doesn't move his hand, but taps her fingers anyway.

"Fuck if I know," she sighs.

"I- I made everything between us weird. It got weird," she corrects herself. "It's not all on me. He- got hurt. He got tortured. And we barely even had any time to deal with that, and almost no time for it as a couple, but as teammates... the team needed a leader and he couldn't lead anymore. So I took it away from him. And I know that hurt him too. He agreed it needed done, but... you know how people can sound all hollow. When they're saying something they hate being true."

Rags can sense exactly how that would go. "Why you?" he wonders, though it's not accusatory. Just curious. "I mean, why did you have to be the one? That probably didn't help shit."

“Because Tattletale has too many enemies, and her power works best behind a veil. And Regent or Aisha or Bitch- Rachel, none of them would be good leaders. Not like I’m doing amazing, but I at least have - I don’t know, a goal and a compass.”

"Did they not want it?" he wonders softly. "Regent and Aisha and Rachel?"

She shakes her head. "No. And they shouldn't have it, either. I told you about Regent. Aisha backs his every play. And Bitch wouldn't care to protect any of the civilians. I'm the only one whose territory is a sanctuary. If not me... the team would be something else. Something worse."

"Worse," he mutters and shakes his head. "Worse than what happened?"

She looks over at him. "There's a lot worse than what we were doing, Rags. I worked hard to keep the drugs and traffickers out of my territory. I sheltered kids who got orphaned, and kids who the gangs wanted. Coil's other gang let all that shit happen, scared their citizens to keep people in line."

"Mm, I'm not arguing with you," he assures her. "Just wondering. Because it all just sounds awful."

He sighs. "Even now, when I know that there's shit we both have to do at home, I wish we could just go to Kaz's world, you know? You and me and him. Where weird shit happens to him but it's - it's shit that makes sense most of the time. And there's no apocalypse. There's no Queen and fae and fucking Great Paragon. Just - people doing what people do."

She nods, agreeing. "But I can't leave my dad like that."

"Yeah, I know that. And I'm not leaving Inis or Cab or any of the others."

He does not say Tal. He can't say Tal.

"But it's nice to dream about getting away from shit, even if I don't run away from things anymore."

Taylor sighs, a deep gusty one that makes her shiver.

"Yeah. I think about going home, and I'm just. Tired."

Rags knows that feeling very, very well. "Yeah," he tells her and takes her hand, curling his fingers around hers.

"Yeah. I know."

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skitter - 2021-12-12 05:25 (UTC) - Expand

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