"You're not the only one who was afraid," Ulla says softly. "I told Warren
at the beginning that wanting you, trusting you, felt like throwing
myself off a cliff, hoping I wouldn't break on the rocks below. You were
worth it, though."
But she knows enough of Taylor's specific fears that her gaze sharpens, and
she falls silent to wait. Taylor is going somewhere important.
She is. And she has to push some jitters out into the bees to keep herself moving forward, their contented hum pitching up a note as she slips her prosthetic hand into her pocket.
"I'm still afraid," she says. Not of love. Not of Ulla's answer. Mostly that she's going to fumble this moment. "But fear's not worth holding anything back."
It's a quick shift, from sitting to kneeling in front of Ulla, still holding her hand. The two rings gleam softly on her other palm, carved of rainbow nacre and looking impossibly fragile.
Another breath, like she's about to take a dive.
"Ulla, I want to give you every day of the rest of my life. I want my years to unscroll at your side. I want to marry you, if you'll say yes."
Ulla's breath catches. Even with the hints leading up to it, she wasn't
prepared for that. Before she says anything, she leans in for a
kiss, slow and lingering. Love and affection and gratitude, but also an
apology of sorts. A promise of a better answer later. Because the first
word out of her mouth isn't going to be yes. Not yet.
"Are you sure, love? I won't grow old alongside you. I can't imagine
myself with children. And if you want those things, I want you to
have them."
Taylor half-laughs, both from relief at getting the words out, and because she was positive this would be Ulla's first response. But the pressure is off now, and she scoots closer to lean in against her, holding the rings against her heart between them.
"I am rich with family already, love. Dad's is going to keep growing all his life, because of who he is. I have siblings on four worlds and counting. I want to be able to offer that family to anyone who comes needing it, but if children never fit into our family, I won't be missing anything.
"I'm sure." She kisses her cheek, and wants to just keep kissing her, but has to be more serious a moment. "But I want to make sure you are. Because I will leave you. Hopefully not for eighty more years, but it won't be when we'd choose it to be."
"Most people will," Ulla agrees. "You know that's a big part of why Warren
encouraged me to stay, don't you? He wanted to make sure I wouldn't...
build my whole life around him, and collapse when I lost him. Hjerte will
help. He's immortal as long as I live. The practice connecting with
people helped."
She pulls Taylor's head in to rest on her shoulder so that Ulla can kiss
her hair. "I'll lose you someday, but if I start pushing people away for
that, Hjerte and I will have to spend our lives alone, for the most part.
It's a waste, and it's bleak, and I don't want that."
"Marry me," she murmurs against her shoulder. "Build a life with me, one of the many, many you'll have. I want to be a weird old lady someday with my wife that people whisper is a goddess in disguise."
Ulla laughs softly at that, leaning her cheek against Taylor's head.
"Yes," she murmurs.
They'll have to figure out where to live, and how to travel, but whether it
takes another deal, or Iris's help, or something else entirely, they'll
manage.
"What?" The conversation is on hold for a moment while Taylor gets
kissed thoroughly. Preferably pinned to the blanket if she lets Ulla guide
them down, but Ulla isn't picky as long as her lips are on Taylor's.
"You spent your deal on that, even before you asked me." Ulla raises the
hand with her new ring, running her fingers down Taylor's cheek. Her
voice goes soft and fervent. "Thank you, sweetheart."
Ulla props her weight on one arm so the other is free to take the ring.
She raises Taylor's hand to her lips, brushing a kiss over her knuckles
before she slides the ring into place.
"I'm yours for the rest of your life, sweetheart. I'll love you for the
rest of mine. If our time is limited, I won't waste it shying away from
what we both want."
Taylor has to blink hard, the light coming through the leaves above them becoming a thousand green-tinged stars behind Ulla’s head as she tries so hard not to tear up. She clasps their hands together, pressing them to her chest, and tries to speak, but for a moment, it’s beyond her.
She doesn't need to speak for a moment anyway, because Ulla is leaning in
to kiss her softly.
She'd assumed that this would dwindle eventually. Into fond occasional
visits, and perhaps Taylor finding someone who could offer her the
things Ulla can't, or won't. But she gets to keep Taylor. Not
forever, but for so much longer than she hoped.
It's forever for Taylor, and it scares her. But in a way that feels like standing on a stage, about to begin something wonderful. She holds onto Ulla, both her arms around her, the hand wearing the ring buried in her hair.
"Hanna rushed me a little," she murmurs, grinning. "I didn't expect him to graduate so fast. I only changed my deal about a month ago."
Ulla laughs softly. "We would have managed without the deal. Iris, or
some other way. If you needed it elsewhere. But I love that the rings
connect worlds and families as well as you and me."
"I've been thinking a lot, about our lives after the Barge. I'd been starting to think about leaving. I'm not ready for that. There's still Jasper. And I'd still like one more deal."
"I don't need another," Ulla tells her. "Especially with your latest one.
If I'm paired and have another inmate graduate, I was planning on offering
my deal to them, or to you."
Taylor chuckles. "I just want a version of this-" She pulls a watch from her pocket, and opens it to show the little metal turnkey inside. "That works off-ship. It lets me turn my powers off, or up." She hasn't shown it to Ulla before - she's been ashamed of it on some level. "But I can't have a permanent one without a deal."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: Greenhouse
"You're not the only one who was afraid," Ulla says softly. "I told Warren at the beginning that wanting you, trusting you, felt like throwing myself off a cliff, hoping I wouldn't break on the rocks below. You were worth it, though."
But she knows enough of Taylor's specific fears that her gaze sharpens, and she falls silent to wait. Taylor is going somewhere important.
Re: Greenhouse
"I'm still afraid," she says. Not of love. Not of Ulla's answer. Mostly that she's going to fumble this moment. "But fear's not worth holding anything back."
It's a quick shift, from sitting to kneeling in front of Ulla, still holding her hand. The two rings gleam softly on her other palm, carved of rainbow nacre and looking impossibly fragile.
Another breath, like she's about to take a dive.
"Ulla, I want to give you every day of the rest of my life. I want my years to unscroll at your side. I want to marry you, if you'll say yes."
Re: Greenhouse
Ulla's breath catches. Even with the hints leading up to it, she wasn't prepared for that. Before she says anything, she leans in for a kiss, slow and lingering. Love and affection and gratitude, but also an apology of sorts. A promise of a better answer later. Because the first word out of her mouth isn't going to be yes. Not yet.
"Are you sure, love? I won't grow old alongside you. I can't imagine myself with children. And if you want those things, I want you to have them."
Re: Greenhouse
"I am rich with family already, love. Dad's is going to keep growing all his life, because of who he is. I have siblings on four worlds and counting. I want to be able to offer that family to anyone who comes needing it, but if children never fit into our family, I won't be missing anything.
"I'm sure." She kisses her cheek, and wants to just keep kissing her, but has to be more serious a moment. "But I want to make sure you are. Because I will leave you. Hopefully not for eighty more years, but it won't be when we'd choose it to be."
Re: Greenhouse
"Most people will," Ulla agrees. "You know that's a big part of why Warren encouraged me to stay, don't you? He wanted to make sure I wouldn't... build my whole life around him, and collapse when I lost him. Hjerte will help. He's immortal as long as I live. The practice connecting with people helped."
She pulls Taylor's head in to rest on her shoulder so that Ulla can kiss her hair. "I'll lose you someday, but if I start pushing people away for that, Hjerte and I will have to spend our lives alone, for the most part. It's a waste, and it's bleak, and I don't want that."
Re: Greenhouse
Re: Greenhouse
Ulla laughs softly at that, leaning her cheek against Taylor's head. "Yes," she murmurs.
They'll have to figure out where to live, and how to travel, but whether it takes another deal, or Iris's help, or something else entirely, they'll manage.
Re: Greenhouse
"These were my deal," she murmurs. "Any door will open to any place, with these."
Re: Greenhouse
"What?" The conversation is on hold for a moment while Taylor gets kissed thoroughly. Preferably pinned to the blanket if she lets Ulla guide them down, but Ulla isn't picky as long as her lips are on Taylor's.
"You spent your deal on that, even before you asked me." Ulla raises the hand with her new ring, running her fingers down Taylor's cheek. Her voice goes soft and fervent. "Thank you, sweetheart."
Re: Greenhouse
Re: Greenhouse
"Let me see the other ring, please." Because it's Taylor's turn. The rings are a matched pair, after all. And Ulla wants to slide it onto her hand.
Re: Greenhouse
Re: Greenhouse
Ulla props her weight on one arm so the other is free to take the ring. She raises Taylor's hand to her lips, brushing a kiss over her knuckles before she slides the ring into place.
"I'm yours for the rest of your life, sweetheart. I'll love you for the rest of mine. If our time is limited, I won't waste it shying away from what we both want."
Re: Greenhouse
Re: Greenhouse
She doesn't need to speak for a moment anyway, because Ulla is leaning in to kiss her softly.
She'd assumed that this would dwindle eventually. Into fond occasional visits, and perhaps Taylor finding someone who could offer her the things Ulla can't, or won't. But she gets to keep Taylor. Not forever, but for so much longer than she hoped.
Re: Greenhouse
"Hanna rushed me a little," she murmurs, grinning. "I didn't expect him to graduate so fast. I only changed my deal about a month ago."
Re: Greenhouse
Ulla laughs softly. "We would have managed without the deal. Iris, or some other way. If you needed it elsewhere. But I love that the rings connect worlds and families as well as you and me."
Re: Greenhouse
Re: Greenhouse
"I don't need another," Ulla tells her. "Especially with your latest one. If I'm paired and have another inmate graduate, I was planning on offering my deal to them, or to you."
Re: Greenhouse
Re: Greenhouse
"That's a good deal," Ulla tells her approvingly. "So it's always your choice. I'm glad you have one already, even if it's not forever."
If Ulla has another inmate graduate who isn't in desperate need themself, she wouldn't mind spending a deal of her own on that.